We all have a relationship with space. Whether it’s simply walking through it as we stroll down the sidewalk or we are submersed in it at home going from room to room, much like fish in a bowl, we are immersed in space. From the intimacy of personal space to the warmth of a larger circle of friends or the familiarity of a much broader social arena like a classroom, grocery store, or restaurant, the space that surrounds us and is our everyday reality. It is what we experience and what helps us know the world.
I have been thinking a lot lately about my spaces, about where I go, who I come into contact with, and what I do – or don’t – notice along the way. And in the process there has been an unveiling of hidden spaces that I haven’t noticed but were right there next to me all along.
Take work for example. It is a meaningful and complex space, but one it seems I know very little about. I made a list of the people with whom I work the most. I see many of them every day, some I spend hours with, all I would consider friends, and yet what I know about them and their lives varies greatly. For some I know their spouses, kids, pets, even how big the hibiscus on the patio gets in the summer. For others, I couldn’t tell you much. Why is that? It causes a little pang of inadequacy to flare up, even a little shame…but it doesn’t change that I don’t know much.
So why don’t I know more?
Some would say it’s because I’m a guy or it’s my arrogance – and though that might be the case somewhat, it isn’t a sufficient answer. I think it has to do with intentionality. If I really wanted to know, I would have intentionally invested in knowing the important parts of my colleagues’ worlds. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I don’t explore, and in not exploring I miss out on the color and texture of who they really are. So as I started looking at my colleague’s lives, I also started looking around and like a stage lit up by a spotlight, I saw hidden spaces everywhere that had previously been hidden – or at least not intentionally noticed.
So how intentional are we?
Every morning at 7:41AM, a city bus pulls up across from my office and I watch a squad of teenagers spill out and make their way across the busy street on their way to school. At different points of my life I have been a bus rider, so my familiarity helps me see the bus experience as another space in which amazing things are hidden. Like jewels deep inside the earth, the bus holds fascinating characters, each with their own stories. However, unless we intentionally carve out the time to explore, these are stories, and even more importantly, these are people, our neighbors and community members, that we will miss. I’m not saying the key to happiness is riding the bus, but I can assure you our lives would be much brighter if we took the time to look around and explore unfamiliar spaces like the bus.
If you’ve never tried it, the bus is filled with interesting people. Not interesting odd…but all walks of life type interesting. The elderly woman all dressed up, coat pulled around her, protective of her stuff and herself. The scraggly, mullet wearing man with dark shades four day old beard, baggy pants, dirty shoes who gets on and off with his bike. There are the kids of varying colors, shapes and sizes, giggling and laughing as their earphones dangle alongside their piercings and backpacks. Working professionals with papers and iPads, moms with strollers, and little girls with braids and pretty bows. Loud talkers who know not a stranger and seem to enjoy colonizing/monopolizing the space make everyone a part of their own while those who just want to blend in concentrate on the phones holding their attention and everything else at bay. They are a human kaleidoscope making their way every day to the bus stop to share a ride together.
On the bus, it doesn’t take long to pick up on the patterns. First it’s who gets on and off where and eventually maybe what it is they do. As the days toil on, tidbits of life are shared – idle chatter eventually giving rise to personal stories, while companionship can turn to a deepening friendship. The commuter community has favorite drivers, saves seats for buddies, and warmly shares the morning or afternoon ride together.
Without a little effort, without intentionally getting to know these “strangers”, the ride could be a stretch of anonymity and quiet. But with each conversation, or eavesdropped one nearby, these strangers become more familiar. We see just how like each other we really are. Life happens to us all, and as we share it with each other, for a few minutes a day, we see just how similar we really are.
So I wonder about the kids that get off the bus…who knows their stories? When I think of those who share the bus with them…who knows theirs? And then I am right back at work and the stories I have yet to learn.
Everywhere I look I see spaces to be explored. The trick seems to be finding a way to open our eyes to seeing the opportunities that are right in front of us. But as a little test, consider this…
Buses run like 18 hours a day on our busiest city streets. They are some of the biggest vehicles on the road carrying one of the largest clientele, and yet for many, this is a world largely unexplored. So, let me ask…
- How many stops are in a mile?
- Any idea how much it costs to ride?
- Ever notice the people sitting at the bus stop? Are they there by choice or by force?
Now the answers to these specific questions aren’t important. In fact, it is the lack of an answer that is important. Because not knowing shows this may be a space that not enough is known about. How many more spaces like this are out there?
Spaces to be explored are all around us, spaces to learn from and maybe even be a meaningful part of. Just as I recognized how little I know about some of the people closest to me at work, I know I have to be missing out on other spaces as well. If I don’t intentionally find and explore the spaces around me, I am bound to miss out on the knowledge, the warmth of new friends, and the richness of greater connections.
Mattaphorically Speaking 